**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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