Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
