The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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