I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
