ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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