Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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