are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
