Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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