NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
