that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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