So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
