fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
