If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
