you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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