Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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