I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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