Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
