Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
