the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
