I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
high people should be assigned attendants
you will always have a special place in my vag
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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