I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
