I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
