wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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