girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
