this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
