Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
