Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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