When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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