you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
