I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
