no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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