Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
