STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
