i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Pooping to opera.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
