You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
