a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
