Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
