Screwed.edu
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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