trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
