he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
