So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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