Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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