If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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