I think I won the penis lottery.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
