we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
