I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
