Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you inspire me to be a worse person
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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