Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
