Got a toothbrush?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
