the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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