if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
