Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
