I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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