my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
