Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
