shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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